The Key to Feeling Fulfilled Again
I wanted to share something personal that I recently learned in therapy that I think EVERYONE can benefit from.
Lemme backtrack a little;
I was feeling a change in the connection that my husband and I had and mentioned the idea of therapy. When I brought it up to him he’d say things like “what are you talking about, we’re doing so good, what would we possibly talk to a therapist about?”
It was something I couldn't quite put my finger on but just felt like he and I weren’t spending enough quality time together and connecting like we used to. I found myself nit picking him and annoyed that he wasn’t creating enough space within his busy, stressful schedule for me. Basically, it just didn’t feel like we were best friends anymore.
So I talked him into doing some couples therapy.
The therapist right away starts asking us questions about what life looks like for us. He went on and on about how busy he is blah blah blah. I went on and on about how there are days we don't even remember to kiss goodbye.
She nods and implies that she understands where both of us are coming from and then asks the potent question that changed EVERYTHING for us: “What are each of you doing [individually] for fulfillment on a daily basis?”
At first, it seemed like an easy question to answer. I get to teach and film yoga classes and Zoli (my husband) goes to ju jitsu a couple times a week. I know we are both lucky enough to have things we are passionate about and get to do and I recognize that not everybody has this luxury.
She then asks “Yes or No. Do you think you’re completely fulfilled?”
*long pause* We both scratched our heads and knew the answer was no.
Here’s my point and message to you; every single human being needs fulfillment, lots of it, and somehow our society puts so much emphasis on DOING that we forget that life is meant to be joyful. Our cultural DNA pushes hard work and defines success by wealth, power, and position. With so much emphasis on doing we forget that we are human BEings.
I recently listened to this Ted Talk by Julie Batten and it all made perfect sense. She points out that we live in a nation where we never feel like we’re enough. The whole “keep up with Joneses” thing actually strips us from getting more connected with ourselves which I believe is our real purpose in life.
Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? Not good enough, not enough money, not pretty enough, not thin enough… This scarcity mentality forces us to DO DO DO and (for me) I found myself feeling guilty for prioritizing joy.
“What you focus on expands”
I realized that the magnifying glass I had against my husband for not prioritizing me was actually a mirror reflecting back at me. I wasn’t prioritizing myself! Our judgments and negative emotions towards others are always an opportunity to turn inward.
After coming to this conclusion (with the help of my therapist), I knew this had to change.
So I switched my days from getting the to-dos done first to taking myself on a hot date first thing in the morning.
I drink water, roll out my mat, light a candle, pull an affirmation card and move my body. Then I incorporate one last little self-care nugget. Some days it's breath work and others it's journaling but I do something special with myself regardless.
My days feel more productive, I get more done and most importantly I feel good. My husband has been carving out more time to ride his mountain bike and do things he loves even when he has more “work to do.” His stress levels are so much better when he carves out “me time.”
POOF, I have my bestie back because A. We are both feeling more fulfilled and B. the energy I put into myself opened up the energetic pathway for him to prioritize me too without having to nag about it.
Just like anything, it's a work in progress but I can say with 100% confidence that if you prioritize filling your cup you will be less stressed, more efficient, more creative and ultimately feel like your life has more JOY.
That's what we’re here for and the world needs that version of you.
So now that you know the positive ripple effects of prioritizing yourself first, how do you plan to do that?
I got a couple suggestions below!
Grab my FREE Audio Meditation to help you reconnect with yourself and big aspirations
Try a FREE CLASS at The Yoga Standard On Demand and start building strength from the outside-in.
Cheering you on!